I reckon that I probably won't sleep well again tonight, although I had planned on going to bed early (I plan on that every night) but I won't. Just I like I didn't last night, or the night before that, or the night before that and for nights before that as far back as I can remember.
I have some pretty serious issues with sleep that I'm quite keen to get to the bottom of; its not that I can't sleep...it's more that I won't. I think it's got something to do with a desire to keep the current day going, to absorb as many of those 24 hours as possible. Once I am in there I tend to konk out like a light but it's getting there that's the problem, I don't know why I just don't go to bed when I need to...hmmm.
There's another thing, I cannot get my head round this Monday to Friday 9 til 5 business I'm working with at the moment, seriously, what's that all about? Only two days off every weekend and they are the same two days every week, shyah!
Thing is I stay up late, writing pish like this then can't get up in the morning which directly affects my day, makes me unhappy and although I vow not to do it again, I do! Why is this?!
Maybe I should try hypnosis...or another gin & tonic...*sigh*
Tuesday 25 November 2008
Sunday 23 November 2008
The Hapless Romantics
I was filming this weekend in the wilds of Milngavie, up on the moors where the view is spectacular and it's very, very cold. A very good friend who is going to be a famous director one day (trust me) was filming a romantic little short about a useless chap and a bohemian girl sharing a perfect date. It's going to be black and white, no dialogue and very pretty, PB (the director) assures me and I have absolutely no doubt of this, he's really rather talented.
It was a lovely shoot, my leading man was an excellent actor and as it happens another very good friend. The shoot concluded with the couple sharing a kiss, the sort of kiss you share with someone for the first time who you know you are falling in love with. It was a little weird, I think made more so by the fact that my partner was being played by someone who I've known for years and am close with, for some reason that made it slightly harder than it would have been had it been a stranger...isn't that odd? After a few takes it was fine.
B - my actor friend - remarked that the shoot reminded him of how nice it feels to be in those early stages of a romance. It was pretend but it reminded me of that too and got me thinking about relationships. They are funny little creatures aren't they?
I won't spoil it for you because as soon as it is ready I will no doubt post the footage everywhere and you will see for yourselves but one of the main themes of the film is disconnection and the notion that relationships can sometimes not live up to how we idealise them in our heads.
We all do that, we build up the idea of someone in our heads so much that the reality can never live up to our expectations. There are obviously varying extremes to this state of mind, the worst case of it is called being a "hopeless romantic". The more cynical end of the spectrum bitterly questions whether or not "romance is dead", was it ever "alive" to begin with? What is romantic for some is utterly prosaic to others.
For example; I define romance as the ability to sit with someone over a case of beer and debate the finer points of why Aliens is one of the best films ever made or whether or not Han did indeed shoot first (he did by the way). For others it's flowers and getting dinner bought for them...I don't like flowers, they make me sneeze and they die, which is depressing, and I can buy my own dinner thank you very much. SO, for me, romance is really what you make of it.
However, when you first meet someone you really like, every bloody thing is romantic isn't it? It's really rather disgusting. The rush you get when you make them laugh and when you discover how much you have in common is so delightful that the whole situation becomes blurry and a bit silly. You decide at that point that you want to spend as much time as you can with this person and pretty soon, before you even realise it, you've hit the couple of years mark. Which is great! But it's a different kind of romance then; a form of romance built on tolerance, comfort and a certain level of dependency that is satisfying but also slightly disconcerting, although I don't know why that is. It's at this stage that every human being pines after those early stages, we can't help it, it's in our nature. We all pine after what we can't have or place way too much onus on what we look back on through rose coloured glasses.
But then we must remember that there are some things that are just that, rose coloured, stained that way by only remembering the fun parts and omitting the other stuff, the less than rosey stuff. The stomach churning awkwardness, the tiring analysis and occasional "game playing" and constant need to be "on" in those early stages.
But it's all good fun...and it makes for good film fodder.
And by the way...believe it or not, I am in fact, a hopeless romantic.
xxx Ciao
It was a lovely shoot, my leading man was an excellent actor and as it happens another very good friend. The shoot concluded with the couple sharing a kiss, the sort of kiss you share with someone for the first time who you know you are falling in love with. It was a little weird, I think made more so by the fact that my partner was being played by someone who I've known for years and am close with, for some reason that made it slightly harder than it would have been had it been a stranger...isn't that odd? After a few takes it was fine.
B - my actor friend - remarked that the shoot reminded him of how nice it feels to be in those early stages of a romance. It was pretend but it reminded me of that too and got me thinking about relationships. They are funny little creatures aren't they?
I won't spoil it for you because as soon as it is ready I will no doubt post the footage everywhere and you will see for yourselves but one of the main themes of the film is disconnection and the notion that relationships can sometimes not live up to how we idealise them in our heads.
We all do that, we build up the idea of someone in our heads so much that the reality can never live up to our expectations. There are obviously varying extremes to this state of mind, the worst case of it is called being a "hopeless romantic". The more cynical end of the spectrum bitterly questions whether or not "romance is dead", was it ever "alive" to begin with? What is romantic for some is utterly prosaic to others.
For example; I define romance as the ability to sit with someone over a case of beer and debate the finer points of why Aliens is one of the best films ever made or whether or not Han did indeed shoot first (he did by the way). For others it's flowers and getting dinner bought for them...I don't like flowers, they make me sneeze and they die, which is depressing, and I can buy my own dinner thank you very much. SO, for me, romance is really what you make of it.
However, when you first meet someone you really like, every bloody thing is romantic isn't it? It's really rather disgusting. The rush you get when you make them laugh and when you discover how much you have in common is so delightful that the whole situation becomes blurry and a bit silly. You decide at that point that you want to spend as much time as you can with this person and pretty soon, before you even realise it, you've hit the couple of years mark. Which is great! But it's a different kind of romance then; a form of romance built on tolerance, comfort and a certain level of dependency that is satisfying but also slightly disconcerting, although I don't know why that is. It's at this stage that every human being pines after those early stages, we can't help it, it's in our nature. We all pine after what we can't have or place way too much onus on what we look back on through rose coloured glasses.
But then we must remember that there are some things that are just that, rose coloured, stained that way by only remembering the fun parts and omitting the other stuff, the less than rosey stuff. The stomach churning awkwardness, the tiring analysis and occasional "game playing" and constant need to be "on" in those early stages.
But it's all good fun...and it makes for good film fodder.
And by the way...believe it or not, I am in fact, a hopeless romantic.
xxx Ciao
Tuesday 4 November 2008
There's no business like it...
Firstly I should probably apologise for not updating this more frequently (to whom I am apologising I am unsure as I very much doubt a single person reads this drivel!) but I did start a blog then immediately neglect it which I suppose is quite naughty!
Anyway - to remedy this, this evenings meanderings are to do with ambition, creative integrity and subsequently professionalism.
I have some pretty serious concerns about what is happening to the cabaret/variety industry. As some people might be aware I am a relatively established cabaret performer; I have been singing, burlesquing and generally acting the fool for entertainment purposes for a number of years now and without tooting my own horn I think I am pretty good at what I do. In saying that; I didn't get to this more than capable stage in my career without time, effort and a hell of a lot of work. I didn't wake up one morning and think "Hmm, I'm pretty bored of my average 9 to 5, I think I'll strike out as an actor/singer/comedian/dancer* (* delete as applicable)". It's all I've ever done and all I've ever wanted to do; I've been everything from the back end of a pantomime cow to the understudy for the lead in a big-budget musical. I've also spent my entire life working in theatres; I've been a stage manager, a technical monkey, an event manager and bar floozy. Learning absolutely EVERYTHING I can about the industry and how it works.
What concerns me is not really relevant to the more serious industry of "legitimate theatre" as most people understand it; to be a professional actor who is in regular paid work you need an agent, you need connections and more often than not you need real training (that and a shit load of luck). These factors weed out deluded amateurs and prevent them from declaring themselves professional actors.
The cabaret & variety scene - specifically with reference to "burlesque performers" - is a WHOLE other barrel of cockney monkeys. Not only has the resurgence in popularity for this artform spawned a veritable army of mediocre to down-right appalling "performers" who are slapping on the title of "professional burlesque performer" as carelessly as they do a cheap pair of Ann Summers nipple tassels they are also diluting, defragmenting and pretty much destroying the legitimacy of true burlesque as an artform. It really, REALLY concerns me. These people claim to love burlesque but they are directly responsible for no-one taking it seriously and the level of ignorance for what it actually is being displayed is quite frankly shocking.
Not only that but it's seeping into other areas of performance; circus for example! Now don't get me wrong, as a fire-performer who has a lot of very good friends who work within this industry, I am delighted that colleagues and friends are earning a decent crust now more than ever before due to a renewed interest in workshops such as trapeze etc. But if I see one more rank amateur attending a workshop in trapeze/aerial hoop/silks/fire-performance and learning one trick well enough to pass off a less than average routine based around it and then immediately start marketing themselves as a "professional" or "trained" in whatever discipline they've decided to pillage I swear I will go postal!!!
Do these people have any idea how many years of training, work and sheer physical slog there is involved to become even passable as a professional in any of the aforementioned arts? A REAL FUCKING LOT that's how much. I mean good grief - you don't learn to go en pointe after a couple of hours of practise and then march into the Royal Ballet announcing you are now a trained ballet dancer “so give me a job!”
And it's the "frilly pant" brigade (as a performer I admire once called them) who are doing these things. It's the people who once mastered tassel twirling after a few hours in a workshop and promptly got themselves a MySpace and started discussing what their rates should be. Fuck all, that's how much! Seriously!
I cannot stress enough how dangerous all of this is becoming; the pool of decent, legitimate and paid work available to actual skilled and talented performers is diminishing by the day - it's becoming a paddling pool and these "performers" are wading in our paddling pool.
And it doesn't end there - they are now branching out into the world of Event Management, starting up their own little nights and calling themselves promoters. The whole thing is going to implode and quite frankly I think I will be relieved when it does. An artform I once loved, that once excited me is now a sensitive subject that leaves me frustrated and bored.
I feel better now; I think I'll go read one of my Judy Garland books, just to remind me that there was once a time when talent actually meant something.
Angry Lucille, signing off. x
Anyway - to remedy this, this evenings meanderings are to do with ambition, creative integrity and subsequently professionalism.
I have some pretty serious concerns about what is happening to the cabaret/variety industry. As some people might be aware I am a relatively established cabaret performer; I have been singing, burlesquing and generally acting the fool for entertainment purposes for a number of years now and without tooting my own horn I think I am pretty good at what I do. In saying that; I didn't get to this more than capable stage in my career without time, effort and a hell of a lot of work. I didn't wake up one morning and think "Hmm, I'm pretty bored of my average 9 to 5, I think I'll strike out as an actor/singer/comedian/dancer* (* delete as applicable)". It's all I've ever done and all I've ever wanted to do; I've been everything from the back end of a pantomime cow to the understudy for the lead in a big-budget musical. I've also spent my entire life working in theatres; I've been a stage manager, a technical monkey, an event manager and bar floozy. Learning absolutely EVERYTHING I can about the industry and how it works.
What concerns me is not really relevant to the more serious industry of "legitimate theatre" as most people understand it; to be a professional actor who is in regular paid work you need an agent, you need connections and more often than not you need real training (that and a shit load of luck). These factors weed out deluded amateurs and prevent them from declaring themselves professional actors.
The cabaret & variety scene - specifically with reference to "burlesque performers" - is a WHOLE other barrel of cockney monkeys. Not only has the resurgence in popularity for this artform spawned a veritable army of mediocre to down-right appalling "performers" who are slapping on the title of "professional burlesque performer" as carelessly as they do a cheap pair of Ann Summers nipple tassels they are also diluting, defragmenting and pretty much destroying the legitimacy of true burlesque as an artform. It really, REALLY concerns me. These people claim to love burlesque but they are directly responsible for no-one taking it seriously and the level of ignorance for what it actually is being displayed is quite frankly shocking.
Not only that but it's seeping into other areas of performance; circus for example! Now don't get me wrong, as a fire-performer who has a lot of very good friends who work within this industry, I am delighted that colleagues and friends are earning a decent crust now more than ever before due to a renewed interest in workshops such as trapeze etc. But if I see one more rank amateur attending a workshop in trapeze/aerial hoop/silks/fire-performance and learning one trick well enough to pass off a less than average routine based around it and then immediately start marketing themselves as a "professional" or "trained" in whatever discipline they've decided to pillage I swear I will go postal!!!
Do these people have any idea how many years of training, work and sheer physical slog there is involved to become even passable as a professional in any of the aforementioned arts? A REAL FUCKING LOT that's how much. I mean good grief - you don't learn to go en pointe after a couple of hours of practise and then march into the Royal Ballet announcing you are now a trained ballet dancer “so give me a job!”
And it's the "frilly pant" brigade (as a performer I admire once called them) who are doing these things. It's the people who once mastered tassel twirling after a few hours in a workshop and promptly got themselves a MySpace and started discussing what their rates should be. Fuck all, that's how much! Seriously!
I cannot stress enough how dangerous all of this is becoming; the pool of decent, legitimate and paid work available to actual skilled and talented performers is diminishing by the day - it's becoming a paddling pool and these "performers" are wading in our paddling pool.
And it doesn't end there - they are now branching out into the world of Event Management, starting up their own little nights and calling themselves promoters. The whole thing is going to implode and quite frankly I think I will be relieved when it does. An artform I once loved, that once excited me is now a sensitive subject that leaves me frustrated and bored.
I feel better now; I think I'll go read one of my Judy Garland books, just to remind me that there was once a time when talent actually meant something.
Angry Lucille, signing off. x
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