Thursday 22 December 2011

Joss Whedon - Redefining Feminism

I wrote this for Syfy Online months ago and it was accepted by my editor but with some minor changes which I then completely forgot to make and as such it never made to the publishing stage. Going through some outstanding paperwork reminded me that it never saw the light of day due to my own chaotic mind and schedule. This seems a shame so, well, here it is...

Joss Whedon – Redefining Feminism

It’s a good thing we’re hot chicks with super powers – Faith to Buffy, Season 7

I have just finished reading Y the Last Man, a graphic novel that tells the story of the males of every mammalian species simultaneously becoming extinct. Well, all but one, the hapless Yorick Brown; for details on his journey to find the explanation for his survival in a world that has decided to favour the XX chromosome, you’ll have to go seek out copies of the graphics yourself. Relevant sidebar; the character of Yorick is enjoyably Whedonesque in his characterisation and has quiptastic, geek infused dialogue.

I thoroughly enjoyed Y the Last Man but the notion of a world populated solely by women scared the crap out of me! What could possibly be more dangerous? What one woman impassioned by an idea can accomplish can be formidable; when it’s a group of them organised around said idea, that has the potential to be truly apocalyptic.

Women are more likely to adapt, evolve and absorb more swiftly and more logically than men if left to do so (and I am moving on from the extinction of all men as an example here, just in case you are left thinking the birds and the bee’s flutterbuzzed their way past my house. And feel free to integrate flutterbuzzed into your lingo as a new way to refer to gettin’ it on!) I’m an advocate of the fact that women are just generally stronger and smarter than men but I have never, ever come anywhere close to using the word feminism to summarise any gender-philosophy attitudes I may have. In fact, I love men and often prefer their company to women; for some time I thought of feminism as a slightly dirty word (interpret that in any exciting way you choose).

Due to poorly formed stereotypes, I am not scared to confess that for a long time the word feminist, for me, conjured up images of a lot of angry, occasionally but not always hygiene challenged childhood traumas that spent more time screaming (or writing fisty poetry) about the shortfalls of man than they did doing anything about it. In short, I think rhat often people who call themselves "feminists" miss the point entirely and I don’t count myself as one of them.

But then Joss Whedon came into my life and I thought that he was a feminist that I could actually connect with, he redefined what that word meant to me. Joss loves women, and quite rightly so. And although he has been known, in certain episodes of his shows, to enjoy them in a girl on girl kind of way, he does so in a manner that is entirely acceptable and also a bit, if you’ll excuse the awful pun, a bit tongue in cheek.

Joss boiled down a fundamental truth about women and then channelled this into all his amazing female characters. That truth is that women are inherently the masters of everything, have a strength that men can’t even comprehend to the point that it terrifies them and because of all of that they can allow themselves to become isolated.

Women do a lot of amazing things alone, sometimes in silence and sometimes in loud brash hysteria which rails against this isolation in an attempt to gain recognition or perhaps some kind of understanding. But at the end of the race their strength exists in isolation.

The concept of the slayer is that she is the chosen one; the one girl in all the world with the strength and power to fight evil and save the world. It is true to say that Buffy Summers becomes the most powerful of all the Slayers in their history because she rejects the isolation forced upon her and shares her burden, allows herself a support network. She doesn’t just reject the isolation she all but eradicates it by rewriting doctrine and changing the potential in every girl who could be Slayer into a reality, “every girl who could stand up will stand up”.

Having said that, she is still the lynchpin that holds her support network in place, the celestial body around which the Scooby-verse orbits and this is a responsibility that she carries alone.

Feminism as a defining theme in Joss’ work comes into play with force once again with Dollhouse. It would take more than I am allowed in my word count to properly peel away the number of layers at work in this show so instead I will focus on the central characters

Echo and Adele Dewitt are two women at war over power. In a world dominated by very rich, morally questionable men Adele maintains her position of power by adopting a facade of masculinity, standard practise for the modern day business women. Being hard, cold and an uber-bitch is often the only way to survive (and dare I say it, to be taken seriously). Very few can play the virgin and the whore simultaneously and get away with it.

Whedon’s women are strong but flawed, vulnerable and impervious at the same time. In some ways they play into the cliché of women being the ultimate mystery but Whedon provides that concept with a positive spin – women are a mystery because of their complexity and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Firefly’s Zoe loves her husband Wash very much, she plays the traditional role of the wife but it is at odds with her career and loyalty to another man, her captain Mal Reynolds. The struggle emerges from her attempt to reconcile the two. Wash’s way of coping is, although perfectly justified, with jealousy and arguments but when it actually matters Zoe doesn’t hesitate, she stands by her husband, demonstrated in one episode when she rescues Wash over Mal. But like any woman, once she has ensured the safety of what is most precious to her, she starts taking fracking names and straightens everything else out.

Women are the masters of sacrifice and simultaneously will stop at nothing to get what they need, another thing that Whedon celebrates through his female characters.


Tuesday 20 December 2011

Dear Me - A Letter To My Sixteen Year Old Self

Inspired by the brave and awesome Barry Church-Woods - creamy smooth Fringe icon and self-declared cunt - who recently had his "Dear Me" letter published, I have decided to give it a go myself.

Incredibly cathartic and in some ways a little tricky to write. I considered an edited version but then what would be the point in that? If you're going to say it, say what you mean. Besides, I would TOTES know if I was bullshitting myself.

Anyway...here it is...

Dear Me,

What the shiz is up?! Don’t worry; you don’t actually talk like that...well, not without the required amount of irony anyway.

So you’re 16, eh? I know, it really blows but my biggest piece of advice to you, direct from the land of being 26 (and turning 27 in a matter of days) is to enjoy what few benefits there are of being that tender and innocent age. You are in such a rush to grow up, cut it out. Growing up will happen all of sudden and you’ll wonder what the hell happened to the intervening years.

Don’t make yourself ill with worry over petty, insignificant school yard stuff. Worrying too much is a trait you will carry with you into adulthood and you will always struggle with it, you might as well realise early on that sweating the small stuff is exhausting and pointless.

I know you feel awkward and desperate to be liked, to the point where you will do and say some pretty stupid stuff; if you can’t be comfortable in your skin now and avoid doing the stupid stuff at least try not to freak out about it a few years later. The reality is everyone is an idiot when they are young. One of those aforementioned benefits is that the foolish stuff you do as a kid really doesn’t matter and no one cares.

In less than a year you will head to university and you will be overwhelmed by the connections you will make there. You will finally start to feel like you belong. But for the love of Pete, focus on your studies a little harder because you are capable of more.

Having said that, whatever you do, don’t completely neglect your acting and please go ahead with auditioning again for the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama when you turn 18, as planned. It will be your biggest regret if you don’t, regardless of the outcome. And in case you hadn’t noticed, your University has a drama club, JOIN IT!

And this I cannot stress enough, do not drop out of that production of My Fair Lady you were involved in because you are distracted by a boy. That distraction does not end well.

That distraction is probably best avoided entirely, if at all possible. The hurt and humiliation that ensue is really not worth the few and fleeting moments of happiness. Options are always good so here’s one, the day of your first Theatre Studies tutorial don’t go to the pub afterwards. Just head home. You will circumvent a chance encounter with someone who will fundamentally change you.

Your ambition is your greatest asset; you will end up somewhere great no matter what. The arts will always surround you and despite some minor setbacks you will end up working somewhere fantastic that will open so many doors. If you don’t go to your audition after all, at 27, your path is still extremely bright and promising. Try and be content.

Apply that in general. Things will get really, really hard because of grown-up stuff (again, why it’s good to hold onto to being young). You realise that your parents are so much more and less than Mum and Dad, they are people. Your Dad will seriously let you down and this will really shake you up. You might as well know now, he doesn’t know everything and he’s not strong.

You will go through a period where you are angry all the time and this will affect your relationships. This is because people can never meet the expectations you have for them. People are flawed, they will let you down. That’s life. But it’s not the end of the world.

You will end up with some amazing people in your life who care about you a lot. It’s important that you remember that.

And signing off, here a few basic dos and don’ts...

Do get into Buffy the Vampire Slayer much earlier; it will be your favourite thing ever!

Don’t help out a rock band with a major project.

Do spend more time with your brother.

Don’t be afraid to admit to yourself that you are unhappy.

Do accept the offer to go to that strip club with Lemmy from Motorhead

Don’t blow the savings your Gran left you on renting a stupid flat

Do learn to be better with money in general

Don’t surround yourself with toxic people

Do try and like yourself a little bit more. You will never be the alabaster-skinned, blue-eyed, skinny blonde but you know what, you’re a foxy red head dammit and that’s pretty awesome too.

Five by five good buddy...

Lou x

Saturday 17 December 2011

Diary of a Wannabe Cook - Part 2

So the festive season is upon us and, with it, has brought its usual gifts of chaos, stress and financial trauma.

Growing up, Christmas was an overblown, ridiculously material affair. With the reflective perspective of age, I suspect the need my parents had to lavish us with an embarrassing amount of...well..stuff, was my Father's way of alleviating some kind of guilt.

The result has been that in future years when it became the responsibility of my Brother and I to return the gifts we had been buried in, we emerged gasping for air, bearing the bruises of too many Transformer figures and ahead of the race Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys that we were reminded could only be bought in the States at that point (my Father travelled a lot for business during my formative years), and feeling an immense amount of pressure to equal the amount of money spent on us.

Add a few more years of cynicism and this year I outright reject this ideal. I have convinced the remaining few family participants to engage in Secret Santa and I completely refuse to be drawn into a spending frenzy (to be honest, I couldn't even if I wanted to!)

Now, before you write me off as a total Ebeneezer, I am not turning Christmas away at the door entirely. Rather, I feel more determined than ever to imbue myself with a bit of festive cheer (which I intend to do with more than just copious amounts of gin).

Taking the advice of my favourite Domestic Goddess, Nigella Lawson, I am getting busy in the kitchen and spreading a little merriment and good will to all men that way.

I started with my take on the Liddibit Slurtle - a chocolate turtle that is both drunk and very slutty.

My version involves a salted pretzel base, homemade beer caramel using Guinness Stout and lashings of dark chocolate.

Reducing dark brown muscavado sugar with butter, cream and a bottle of stout I made a sticky, wonderfully dark caramel that was sweet with a streak bitterness brought by the stout.

Using sheets of baking parchment, I made little nests of pretzels using one whole pretzel as the foundation before breaking up others to fill the gaps.

When your caramel is ready but still gooey enough to pour, ladle it onto your pretzel beds.

Allow it to cool and get quite firm. Melt your dark chocolate and then cover your drunk turtles to make them slutty. And because I am total skank, I finished them off with a sprinkling of white chocolate chips.



Transfer them onto a tray and leave them in the fridge to set. Be warned, these are sticky little beauties and take some tugging to free them from the parchment. Oh my!

I also conquered Nigella's Chilli Jam, which was actually so easy it's criminal. I managed to score some gorgeously robust kilner jars for a quid a go from Poundland. One handsome jarful went to friends as a Christmas gift and I kept the other one. I can't get enough of it, it's being lavishly spread on everything and I am pretty sure it will make this winter bearable. Plus, it totally glams up my fridge to see a scarlet, glowing jar resting in there every time I open the door. Sexy!

One of my favourite things in the world is a roast chicken and I tried something a bit fruity with it recently. I buttered up a good bird with thyme and salted butter and, after buying it a few drinks, was allowed to shove quarters of lemon, clementine, onion and garlic up its bum. I lined my roasting tray with the remaining fruit quarters but also some very chunky quarters of carrot and parsnip. After seasoning in the normal way, and to temper the citrus, my little twist on all of this was maple syrup. I know that sounds mad but it gave the whole thing a bit of caramelised flavour and really tarted up the carrots and parsnips.



To accompany this (alongside the standard roast potatoes because I couldn't go without) I attempted another little Nigella number - Double Potato and Halloumi Bake.

This is so stupidly simple and gives the traditional roast dinner a bit of a Mediterranean kick. All you do is chop up the following into healthy chunks; sweet potato (bigger chunks for this bitch because she is a total whore and cooks quicker than everything else), regular white potato, red pepper, red onion and a couple of cloves of garlic. Bathe the whole lot in around 3-4 tablespoons of olive oil and a bit of pepper and bung in a hot oven for about 45 minutes.

Meanwhile (at the legion of doom!) very thinly slice some bits of halloumi. For the final 10 minutes of the bake, layer on the cheese and then turn up the oven to full blast and grill it until golden.

This makes a great alternative to bog standard vegetables and it is amazing for lunch the next day, cold, on salad with a generous dollop of chilli jam. Cash back!

Coming up next (and for Christmas) Oreo Truffles, Chicken Stew with homemade savoury biscuits, Salmon Devilled Eggs and Bacon Brownies (and some Brownies without Bacon since my ball and chain isn't convinced...yet). In. Face. Now!

Five by five and seasons greetings... x

Sunday 4 December 2011

Diary of a Wannabe Cook - Part 1

At 26 (dangerously near 27) years young I hosted and cooked my very first full-on Christmas Dinner, just this Friday past.

Despite the assistance I received from my comrades, I still have renewed respect and admiration for my Mum and my Aunt who for many years have been alternating on taking responsibility for this task for quite often twice as many people! Ladies, I doff my chefs hat to you, seriously.

The first medal of recognition has to go to my cousin Liz who was on Ham and Stuffing duty - you cannot beat a roast ham under any circumstances and Christmas or not it really should be a staple. Not least for all the amazing sandwiches you can get out of it during the following weeks.

During the Festive season, with family, I think it's fair to say that remaining relatively neutral with how you jazz up your ham is a safe bet. Friday's ham was a tasty, simply roast little beauty with the salty meat doing all the work but as I am becoming something of a show off in the kitchen there are two different types of glaze I am desperate to introduce to a ham and serve up to willing participants.

The first is a Nigella special - a ginger-ale glazed ham. I think my favourite thing about this recipe is how much Ginger Ale is required, the ridiculous volume of 7 litres of dry ginger ale just makes me giggle a little bit. There's something about using that much fizzy drink in something that feels daring and fun.

Basically you launch your ham joint in a pot with your niagara of Ginger Ale and bring to the boil before lowering the heat and allowing to simmer away for 4 1/2 hours (yes, this is an all day affair!)

The next step is the glaze which is ideally done with ginger preserves but marmalade with ginger through it will work just as well. Into your ginger preserves should go 2 tablespoons of hot english mustard, 1/2 cup of dark brown sugar and 1/2 a teaspoon of ground cloves. Wheech all of that together in a bowl and when your ham is done with its ginger ale bath, whack it into a foil lined baking tray. Leave a little layer of flat on the top and then slather on your glaze. Throw it in a hot oven for 20 minutes and you're done.

My friend George and I are working on a version of this that involves coca-cola. I know that sounds revolting but actually reducing coca-cola with meat is quite an old fashioned American thing that used to happen a lot in the fifties. The reduced result is quite a sticky, sweet almost barbeque flavoured glaze. I will keep you posted in forthcoming diary entries on how our version turns out.

My second, and probably favourite ham glaze is maple and cider. Cook your ham however you please but for this glaze you need 4 tablespoons of maple syrup, 4 tablespoons of wholegrain mustard, 160ml of cider, a pinch of ground cloves and salt and pepper.
Another wheech round a bowl and then slap it on the ham. The key to this is to make sure you baste the ham regularly as it cooks.

I was pretty pleased about how everything turned out on Friday but I think the stars of the show were my melt roast potatoes, maple and orange baked carrots and homemade sage & onion bread rolls.

This was the first time I have ever made my own bread and I am now wondering why I ever bothered buying it! It was so easy and tasted amazing. Admittedly, I am still a total amateur so I don't have a loaf tin so it's just rolls I can manage at the moment. But when I get my hands on one, watch out Warbutons!

The Melt Roast potatoes must be enjoyed by everyone. Seriously, once you have made them like this you will never go back.

Maris Pipers work really well for this but any spud that scores pretty high on the waxy/floury scale will do. You can peel them if you like but so long as they are washed I don't tend to bother, I like the skin. Cut the little blighters in half, length ways, which actually results in something a bit like a wedge but that's ok.

Melt three large tablespoons of butter into a shallow roasting tray and then add a slug of olive oil. Once your butter is melted lay your potatoes into the tray, do this so there is only one layer of tatties. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Your oven needs to be crazy hot - preheat at 220 - and then you play a strategic game of roast, flip, add and roast again.

1. Once they are in, roast for 15 minutes, then remove and flip them round.
2. Roast for a further 10 minutes, remove and flip again. This time, before you put them back in, add two cups of chicken stock.
3. Roast for 15 minutes, remove and then add a little bit more melted butter (about another tablespoons worth...no diet allowed when these are around).
4. Roast for a further five minutes and then they should be ready to serve.

The thing about these guys is their flavour. Crisp on the outside, fluffy and melting on the inside, they have soaked up the stock and butter and taste fantastic.

So those were the highlights of my first Christmas dinner hosted outside of the nest and I think it was a success.

Thanks to Frodo for keeping me under control when it comes to my suspect ability to judge timings and for taking charge of the Broccoli and Cauliflower Cheese bake (super simple recipe for this, Tweet me @LucilleBurn if you fancy it).

As money is tight, an across the board issue I think, Festive gifts this year will be homemade and tasty. This week is dedicated to creating treats in the kitchen.

Including but not limited to chilli jam and spiced brandy peaches that will go really well with that left over ham we've been talking about.

One task I have set myself that I am really excited about is beer caramel, required for one particular homemade sweet. A tricky and dangerous experiment, not least because for each time I mess it up I will have wasted a six pack of beer. Not going to happen!

Will keep you posted.

Lx